My New Hero

I have my DVR set to tape Oprah every day, and while my DVR is somewhat selective in how it chooses to do what I ask it to, it finally obeyed, and taped Oprah's show yesterday. She had a guest by the name of Elizabeth Vargas. I have never heard of her before, but she was the co-anchor for the ABC World News, and left her prestigious job when she had her second child. During her entire pregnancy she wrestled with the decision of what to do once the baby came, and what she would be sacrificing, but also what she would be gaining by choosing either to stay at home with her children, or to continue her job which required her to jump on a plane at a moment's notice, and be gone sometimes for days or weeks at a time!

Ultimately she chose to step down from her role as co-anchor, and she spend time at home with her newborn and her three-year-old. Now, she does work for 20/20, but she is not the sole anchor of the show, and therefore doesn't require as much time at work. She is my new hero!! She addressed the guilt factor of being a working mom and wondering if her kids would grow up "less" than the other kids whose mommies stayed at home, but she also addressed the issue of desiring to have what she had spent so much of her life working towards... her career. It was a fascinating story, and it just completely struck home with me.

The whole Oprah episode was full of discussion over the age old question of, "Can Women Have It All?". Essentially, can women be a great mother, be a great businesswoman, be a homemaker and wife and corporate success? It's a question that throughout the show, and now afterwards as I have been thinking on it for hours, I feel will always beg for resolution. The fact is, there will never be complete closure on this topic, because there is no right or wrong answer. Being a working woman does not necessarily mean you are putting your child and family on the backburner, and being at home all day does not mean you are a great mom!! There are so many sides to this discussion, not a single one of them less passionate than another.

I had my two friends, Jackie and Stacey over yesterday with their two little boys, Noah and Carson. Noah is 6 weeks older than Carson, and Carson is 6 weeks older than Reese. The three of us are each in different situations with our homelife, and it seems that each of us are happy with our decisions, happy with the way things are, and in a way, we all feel like we have what we desire to have with our children. This is not to say that some days we don't wish things were different, some days we feel guilt for whatever area of life seems to be lacking right then... But I look at the three of us, and think, you know, we do have it "all". One of us works three days a week, and is home with her family the other four, one is at home all the time, and myself, I am sort of a combination of the two... Working from the office half days, working from home some days, and taking Reese to my mom's for some of those times when I am at the office. There are days when I feel my situation is ideal. I can work, bring home some type of income, but I am also given the opportunity to be with my daughter all the time. But there are also days when I feel lacking. There is, to the chagrin of some women out there, some part of me that really desires to be a successful businesswomen, no matter how complete and satisfied I am with my baby girl, and with our life the way it is. So, I live my life conflicted, as I'm positive that most working moms do, and probably a lot of stay at home moms do, with the guilt of even desiring a life outside of my child and my home! There is something inside of us that feels as though we should, in a sense, give up our lives for our children. At the same time, I feel there is something lacking in that argument. Like I've stressed over and over and over, I want to achieve and accomplish things for the sake of being a more balanced, well-rounded and whole person, which I feel would make me a better mother and role model. And I want Reese to be able to look at my life, and feel like her mom has achieved things, and for that reason, she can look at her life and know that she is capable of doing those same things, and it's never too late to try.

We may never be able to fully have it "all", but can you blame us for trying?? What I think we have to do is be forgiving of each other, flexible with each other, and understanding about the choices each of us make. They are NOT by a long shot, easy choices or comfortable choices. But they are personal and they are deeply intimate, and they should not be judged or criticized.

On a final note, my prayer lately is that God will really give me wisdom and open doors for me once I finish school. I am praying that He is laying the preparations for me, as I try to do the right thing by finishing school, getting my degree, and giving myself more opportunities for our family's future. I struggle with the thoughts of, okay, so once I finish school, then what? My daughter will only be two, and I don't want her in daycare all day everyday... In fact, that is the LAST thing I want. So, what will I do?!?! But, I feel like my feet are on the right path. Once I finish and get my degree, maybe I take time off to weigh the possibilities of my future, or maybe God will have opened the right doors, and I'll be able to do exactly what I want. Which is what I hope to know by this time next year. =)

I'm proud of all my mother-friends. I think we have all done a spectacular job of balancing our personal needs with the needs of our children. We have all done it differently, and we all live and choose differently, and I'm sure we could have a very lively discussion about this topic, but the bottom line is, I don't doubt for one second any of my friends' care for or love for their child or children. i LOVE YOU ALL (you know who you are!) and I am so proud of you all for the jobs you have done with your beautiful kids.

(And my last final note, all my friends have managed to raise extremely well-behaved children! I'm very fortunate to have such an amazing variety of role models to choose from among my peers!)